In Conversations With: Kevin Hanley -The Kind of Men We Want To Raise
As part of our Movember series, we sat down with psychotherapist Kevin Hanley, a specialist in men’s mental health from Kevin Hanley Counselling, to explore how masculinity is evolving - and what this means for the boys and young men at Radnor House Sevenoaks. Our conversation revealed a generation navigating unprecedented pressures but also enormous possibility.
1. When we talk about modern masculinity in 2025, what do we actually mean - and who gets to define it?
Kevin: The traditional script of masculinity - being strong, stoic and emotionally reserved - is no longer the only one available. At the same time, no clear “new” version has taken its place. Instead, boys today are exposed to a mix of voices: their friends, their families, what they see online and in the media. Each offers a different idea of how a man should behave.
This variety gives boys more freedom, but it can also leave them unsure of who they’re supposed to be. Our social roles are changing, and the old expectations are fading, but nothing definitive has replaced them. So, boys are caught between choosing who they want to be and feeling who they’re expected to be.
In many ways, this tension mirrors what young women have experienced for years - trying to remain authentic while also fitting in.
2. How are today’s boys experiencing masculinity differently — socially, emotionally and digitally?
Kevin: Boys now see a wider range of masculinities than ever before. At one end are softer, more expressive identities; at the other, very tough, hypermasculine personas. They have more choice, but masculinity has also become highly stylised, especially online. Navigating different digital spaces means boys may feel they need to adapt or “perform” depending on the audience. That can create confusion between being true to themselves and feeling pressure to fit the expectations of each online community.
3. We often say boys don’t talk. What do they wish they could talk about if they had the space?
Kevin: Boys do want to talk - but only when they feel safe from judgement. What many wish they could open up about includes the pressure to succeed, the comparisons they make with influencers or peers, worries about fitting in, and confusion about dating or friendships.
They’re navigating more pressure than previous generations; from body image expectations to uncertainty about the future, boys carry a lot. Many simply haven’t been taught the language to express what’s going on for them emotionally. It’s not a lack of willingness - it’s a lack of guidance.
4. What conversations should parents and educators be having with boys that we’re not - and why?
Kevin: Adults are often quick to problem-solve, but boys need something different: space to explore what they’re feeling. Conversations that focus purely on advice or solutions can unintentionally shut down emotional expression.
Young people need to know their feelings aren’t something to ‘fix’. Instead, adults can help them recognise stress, interpret emotions as information, and learn how to repair relationships after conflict. When boys see empathy modelled by adults, they are much more willing to try it themselves.
5. Do boys need something different from girls when it comes to emotional education - or are we simply socialising them differently?
Kevin: I believe boys and girls have equal capacity for emotional depth. The difference lies in how boys are socialised. Many grow up hearing that vulnerability is weakness, or that emotion is something to hide. Boys really need the opportunity to practise being vulnerable in safe spaces. When they do, they quickly discover they’re just as capable of emotional expression as anyone else.
6. In a world swinging between “toxic masculinity” and “be more vulnerable,” what does healthy masculinity look like for a teenage boy?
Kevin: Healthy masculinity is grounded rather than performative. It’s the ability to feel emotions without being overwhelmed by them, and to be strong without carrying everything alone. It lives somewhere between resilience and vulnerability and allows boys to act with empathy and curiosity rather than comparison. It’s not about being one thing or another, it’s about balance - holding both strength and openness without feeling forced into extremes.
7. Who are the role models shaping young men today, and how positive or damaging are they?
Kevin: Today’s boys draw inspiration from everywhere: parents, teachers, fictional characters, sports figures, influencers and online personalities. Some encourage discipline, wellbeing and responsibility; others offer a more limited view that emphasises status or dominance. I don’t label any influence as wholly good or bad. The key is helping boys understand how these voices shape them - and whether they’re helping them grow or limiting who they feel allowed to be.
8. Young men are consuming huge amounts of online advice. How does this shape their identity?
Kevin: Today's online landscape is like a “patchwork” of advice - some helpful, much of it confusing and contradictory. Without context, confident influencers can oversimplify complex ideas about relationships, body image or identity. What makes the difference is having real conversations with trusted adults. These discussions help boys develop the critical thinking needed to decide what’s genuinely useful and what may be an unrealistic or one-dimensional view of the world.
9. What signs tell us a young man might be struggling, even if everything looks fine?
Kevin: Struggles often show up subtly: changes in mood, a drop in motivation, withdrawing from friends, or suddenly becoming fixated on gym routines or online gaming. Many boys respond to shame or insecurity by trying to overachieve, which can make them appear “fine” on the outside while they’re struggling inside. Gentle, non-intrusive conversations can open the door. It’s about approaching with curiosity, not interrogation.
10. If you could redesign the cultural script for boys, what three qualities would sit at the centre of modern masculinity?
Kevin: Emotional literacy, relational connection and ethical strength at the heart of a healthier masculine identity. Boys need to understand what they feel, communicate honestly in relationships, and carry a sense of integrity and responsibility that goes beyond self-interest. These qualities don’t shrink masculinity. They strengthen it.
How Radnor House Sevenoaks Is Supporting Our Boys
At Radnor House, we know that boys are growing up in a world that demands more of them emotionally than ever before. Our role is to guide, support and champion them so they can navigate these pressures with confidence and compassion.
We take our responsibility to guide, support and champion them seriously. Our approach is proactive, relational and rooted in creating a school culture where every student feels seen and heard.
Our commitment includes:
1. A Whole-School Culture of Emotional Learning
Through PSHE, tutor time, assemblies and pastoral care, we explicitly teach emotional literacy, empathy, boundary-setting and healthy communication.
2. Visible, Accessible Pastoral Support
Our pastoral team, tutors, Heads of School, Wellbeing Hub Manager, and on-site counsellors, work in partnership to ensure boys have trusted adults they can approach - early, openly and without stigma.
3. Early Intervention and Safe Conversations
We encourage boys to talk before pressures escalate. We create spaces where they can explore worries, uncertainty and identity without fear of judgement.
4. Positive Role Modelling
Staff intentionally model balanced, healthy versions of strength, vulnerability and resilience - demonstrating that there is no single way to “be a man.”
5. Partnering With Parents
We believe partnership with parents is at the heart of education and everything we do at Radnor. Through workshops and communications such as our new Preparation for Life: Parent Connect activities, we support parents to have the deeper, empathetic conversations families need at home.
6. Celebrating Healthy Masculinity
Through Movember and beyond, we champion narratives of responsibility, kindness, courage and community contribution - qualities we want our boys to carry into adulthood.
We Talk About Talking — Strength Begins with a Conversation
Movember reminds us how urgently our boys need spaces to talk, to question, and to grow into confident, emotionally grounded young men. But these conversations shouldn’t be limited to November.
At Radnor House Sevenoaks, we are committed to walking alongside our boys every day - listening carefully, challenging stereotypes, and helping them to shape identities built not on pressure or performance, but on purpose, empathy and integrity.
